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  Topic Originator Date Posted  
By: tamita
Female, 
Age: 26, 
Toronto
Ontario
8/17/2014 9:05:55 PM

 Does anyone else get upset when there significant other likes provocative photos or pictures through social media?.. i just want to feel like im the only women he sees.. he tells me I am but him doing this does not make me feel like that.. i dont feel special when he does this.. we recently got into a very large argument about it. He even said he was sorry and that if i did thay too him he wouldnt like it either.. only for him to do it again today..i dont care if he likes beautiful models pictures.. im not that crazy..but when it comes to  chicks in fishnets wearing almost nothing all bent over,i have a problem with that. He makes me feel like im a bad person and that im crazy for getting mad about it.. i dont know what to think anymore i just know it hurts.

Reply Posted By: Sandra Jimason, Psy.D - Female, Fort WashingtonMaryland

Date Posted:
8/17/2014 9:27:40 PM


Sandra Jimason, Psy.D

 Hi, what you feel is normal and most people in a loving relationship would not want their significant other spending time viewing other beautiful "almost nude" people.  If he cares he will want to take care of your emotions around this issue and not continue this behavior.  If he cannot stop and it appears he has an issue with viewing graphic pictures of other women maybe that is an area he wants to look at in counseling.  

More importantly, you have to be with someone that  considers your feelings and makes you feel secure, if he can''t you may want to reassess you relationship with him.

Reply Posted By: Rafael Morales Toia, MS, MA, MFT - Male, Age: 47, BettendorfIowa

Date Posted:
8/17/2014 9:41:05 PM


Rafael Morales Toia, MS, MA, MFT

I am very sorry to know you have been undergoing this very sad and frustrating situation. You are not crazy nor seem unreasonable at all when expecting basic respect, sensitivity, understanding and caring from your loved one.

While on one hand he tried to convince you that you are wrong and unreasonable, he sometimes acknowledges he is wrong and that he''d not like to be in your shoes. On the other he gets back to the same pattern, which obviously appear to be not only insensitive but disrespectful and abusive, since he knows how you feel, the impact it has on you, and chooses to continue over and over again.

You ae being realistic when recognizing he could like to watch other women, but for him to use social media to share through the "like" feature about those pictures and women, is something very different, and a thing most people would not feel comfortable with.

Mature relationships could only develop healthy and fulfilling if based on mutual respect, caring, understanding and affection, honesty, commitment and support, otherwise people would use, abuse, neglect and manipulate those they say they love.

 

This is respect, compatibility of core values, and setting of boundaries and limits. Both need to work on it, otherwise the relationship would never truly work as a healthy one.

Reply Posted By: tamita - Female, Age: 26, TorontoOntario

Date Posted:
8/17/2014 10:11:49 PM


tamita

 Thank you so much Sandra and Rafeal. I really appreciate your feedback.. I just teared up actually hearing that im not crazy for feeling this way. I would never do this to him or anyone.. the fact that he just goes right back into it really bothers me and ive always felt that if he really loved me he would stop the second he knew it bothered me. I feel so stuck because im head over heals inlove with him but this one issue just feels like its killing me.. 

Reply Posted By: Rhonda Bennett, M.A. - Female, NolensvilleTennessee

Date Posted:
8/19/2014 11:08:27 AM


Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

I''m so sorry you are going through this.  Rafael and I have been friends and colleagues for several years, and his advice is right on.

I would like to add that sometimes being "head over heels in love" with someone is simply not enough.  For a relationship to work, both people have to have very similar morals, ethics and approaches to life.  If you were both into looking at graphic, sexual images, then that could be something that could fuel your romance.  However, you are NOT into this behavior.  Furthermore, he has basically lied to you about what he''s doing.  And, you don''t know what he is doing that you DON''T know about.

You have to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not.  If he is open to get counseling, then that could put him on another path. Unfortunately, this is a behavior that most people do not want to change.  It''s part of their sexuality.

I wish you luck, and please contact me at www.LivePerson.com/Rhonda-Bennett if you would like to talk further.

Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

Reply Posted By: tamita - Female, Age: 26, TorontoOntario

Date Posted:
8/19/2014 11:22:03 PM


tamita

 Thank you Rhonda its much appreciated and you are right.If he pulls this again after what we just spoke about then i dont see it going any further..ive given all i can give.. ive been hospitalised for anxiety and panic attacks from these fights.. i cant do it anymore.. i cant take being the only one whoes 100000% loyal in every way shape or form. i cant look at another man because i love him.. its such a deep love and yet this issue kills me.

Reply Posted By: Rhonda Bennett, M.A. - Female, NolensvilleTennessee

Date Posted:
8/20/2014 8:54:57 AM


Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

One of my favorite quotes is: REAL love inspires you to be the best you can be.  Such a great quote. REAL love doesn''t cause anxiety and fear.  Please contact me through LivePerson if you would ever like to talk further.  Best wishes :)

Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

 

 

 
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