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About to separate; now I'm pregnant
By: Brandi8
Age: 38, 
9/4/2009 10:54:00 AM

Rhonda-I am in an unhappy marriage for the past 2 1/2 years, and have been seriously thinking of separating and filing for divorce.  My husband drinks too much, and I just am no longer in love with him.  We do not have any children, however, I just found out that I am 2 mos pregnant. I haven't told my husband yet. I am thinking of terminating the pregnancy without his knowledge, and then proceeding with the divorce. But, I am torn.  On the one hand, I don't believe that abortion is right. On the other, I can't imagine being married to my husband any longer, let alone bringing a child into our loveless marriage. Do you have any advice for how I should proceed?

Reply Posted By: Rhonda Bennett, M.A. - Female, NolensvilleTennessee

Date Posted:
9/4/2009 1:03:59 PM

Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

Abortion is a very personal choice, and I would never advise anybody on whether it is right or wrong.  You have two dilemmas here: 1. Do you want to be a mother to this baby?  If you do, then that will include co-parenting the baby with your husband, whether you are divorced or not.  Being a single mother is one of the toughest jobs in the world.  I was one myself. 

2. Are you sure that your marriage is over?  Alcoholism is a deal-breaker for many people when the alcoholic has no desire to quit drinking.  You might consider couples counseling to see if your husband would come around, get treatment and really give your marriage a shot.  If you''re sure you want out, then your biggest dilemma is how to handle the pregnancy.

This is one of those life situations that you will have to figure out for yourself what is best for you.  What I DO know is that many women feel tremendous guilt after having an abortion and wish they would have kept the baby.

Please think about all the different scenarios of what could happen.  Go with what you feel is best for you and for the rest of your life.  I wish you the best.



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