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I waited till marriage & the sex is awful
By: Reno12
Age: 31, 
7/31/2009 11:30:36 AM


I recently got married. We dated for about a year before that. We are both Christian and we waited until our honeymoon to have sex. It turns out the sex is really awful and now I feel like I've made a horrible mistake in choosing my husband. I don't know what to do.  I feel angry at my religion, my parents and society for this, because I would have been better off if we had had sex before we got married. That way I would have known it was not good, and never would have made this horrible mistake. Please help me with any suggestions.

Reply Posted By: Rhonda Bennett, M.A. - Female, NolensvilleTennessee

Date Posted:
7/31/2009 11:45:59 AM

Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

Hi Reno.  I''m sorry your marriage is getting off to a bad start.  However, as much as we like to "romanticize" sex, it is also a "skill" that can be learned, changed and perfected with time. 

Sexual incompatbility often is a symptom of other problems in the marriage.  Are you in love with your husband?  Do you feel he is your best friend?  Can you talk to each other about anything?  If you really love your husband and want to work things out, then it isn''t too late to have a healthy, satisfying sex life.

I know it''s hard to bring this up.  Many men become completely deflated if they find out they aren''t satisfying their partner.  However, sexual satisfaction is important to the overall health of the marriage.  The easiest way to make this better is to suggest marriage counseling.  Then you have a third person, the counselor, who can help you address these issues.  Many married couples have sexual issues; you aren''t alone there. 

As you''ve learned, an unsatisfactory sex life can cause loads of resentment and bad feelings about your spouse overall.  If your husband really loves you, he will WANT to learn how to satisfy you sexually. 

If you feel you just didn''t date long enough and that you have made a mistake, then that''s another issue.  Approach your husband with a loving attitude and tell him that you want to improve your marriage overall.  If he really loves you, he''ll be an eager learner and you can get your relationship back on track.  Individual counseling could also help YOU process your feelings and figure out how your want to proceed.  I wish you the best.  Rhonda


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