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My marriage is BORING!!
By: SweetScience
Age: 48, 
7/16/2009 9:09:25 AM

I can't stand being married any more. It's so stifling and boring. We're like hamsters on a wheel with work, the kids, church,etc. Even when we go out with friends or family, that is boring. All they talk about is kids and work.  It's like the life has gone out of everyone. I can't stand it. We all seem to have lost ourselves. I can't believe I've become this domesticated. Eventhough I know it would be completely disruptive, I'm actually thinking of separating for awhile to see if I can reconnect to my old self. Any suggestions Rhonda? 

Reply Posted By: Rhonda Bennett, M.A. - Female, NolensvilleTennessee

Date Posted:
7/16/2009 12:27:07 PM

Rhonda Bennett, M.A.

You don''t mention how long you''ve been married, but it looks like you''ve gotten stuck and need something new.  All marriages take work and nurturing - just like any relationship.  Looking outside of your marriage will certainly destroy it in the long run.

You need to ask yourself the following questions:  Do you still love your wife?  Are you IN love with your wife? What do you still enjoy about being married and having children?  If you walk away from your marriage, how will that affect you and everybody involved?

Most people learn that the grass isn''t greener on the other side.  I''ve seen countless people divorce and then wonder down the road what they were thinking.  The security and comfort that comes from being with the same person for years can''t be replaced easily once you find yourself in the dating scene again.

Marriage counseling can help you find ways to reconnect with your wife and get some fun and spice back into your marriage.  You''re right, the daily routine of work, kids and other responsibilities can take all the fun out of a marriage.  But you can also learn how to get the spark back - if you want to.  That''s the decision you''ll have to make in the long run.  Perhaps your wife is just as bored as you are, and she would love the chance to recapture the romance you once had.

You can start with a weekly date night, doing something fun together and having that to look forward to.  Don''t talk about kids or work.  Find a hobby or other activity you can do together.  The marriage has to come first because kids leave home eventually.  People who don''t put their marriage first often find themselves in the exact situation that you''re in.

If you''re really considering leaving, let yourself picture that entire scenario in your head.  That''s a huge step, and things will never be the same if you do it.  Picture yourself packing your things up; picture yourself driving away and going to a new place; picture yourself not being involved in the daily activities of your family life (as boring as they may seem to you now); picture yourself with a lot of free, empty time you never had before.  That is the reality when someone leaves their marriage and family life.

Many people in your age group get bored and divorced.  I always advise to first try marriage counseling and do everything you can to take the marriage to a new, better level.  I wish you the best!



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